6:25 p.m. - 2004-10-20
I asked for it....Yea.....Guts.

OK..I did it..I asked

Well...I had a long dialogue typed out explaining exactly what went down as I requested my giant raise...but I lost the entry to Diaryland heaven for some reason. I am too tired and burned out to type it over again, so I will just do a brief summary.

Also, I want to report that after calling the County Dept. of Human Services, whom sounded like they would rather watch paint dry than take my call, must have done some good as the lady was not in the woods today...First time since March that she has not been there.

OK..Onto the raise. Like everything else I am afraid to do, I carefully rehearsed my words and imagined the scenario. In my scenario, I am comfortably seated with all the time in the world to make my case.

In reality, there was a surprise visit by an insurance executive to take Chander out to lunch and seeing the only opportunity to talk to him slip away until next Wednesday, I quickly asked him if we could have a chat in Dan's office. Every truck driver was back from their run, the insurance executive was waiting for Chander, Dan and Larry were out in the main office since I ejected them from Dan's private office so I could use it and the entire menagerie was looking at us through the giant window that looks into Dan's office. Chander, being in a hurry did not motion for me to sit, which would have made me more comfortable, so I stood and blurted out my case.

I really can't remember what I said because I was so nervous. My voice started to get breathy and shakey, little beads of sweat started forming on my head and I could feel it parting my hair. I was visable shaky. Chander told me to calm down. My request for a sizeable increase was met with a "phew". He told me that he would come back after the luncheon and we would talk.

When he returned, he talked about everything but my raise and then right before leaving told me that he wanted a day to think it over.

"I will call you tomorrow" he said, "but don't worry, we are going to take care of you."

Later on he called back to say that he would rather wait until Monday to discuss the matter in person. What could I do but agree.

I am now a burned out ball of guts. I feel as if I have downed an entire bottle of tranquilizers. All of my adreneline got circulated and burned up today. This was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Sticking up and asking for myself does not come easy.

Of one thing I am sure. He is not going to offer me anywhere near what I asked for. My only reply will be a gracious and professional thank you for whatever he offers, but not without also graciously telling him that until he can meet 600.00 per week, I must continue to look for another job. Maybe this is what is supposed to happen...a negotiation. I have inwardly decided that I would settle for 550.00 per week with a reivew in 6 months to bring me up to the requested amount. Whatever the outcome, the process has been started. This is the first of many many things I plan on doing and asking for myself and my future. It can only get easier...I hope.

Since beginning to type this entry, there is a new update on my homeless lady. My husband just went for a walk in the woods. He was about a mile down the path when he spotted a tarp tied to some trees and under the tarp, a shopping cart with a pair of legs sticking out of it. Looks like my lady is still camped out. We are going to call the Cook County Sheriff now. This poor soul needs to come in from the cold.

P. I. Yarnsmith.

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