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10:39 a.m. - 2004-06-20 Cold Stone is a new ice cream place. So far, they had only opened them up in trendy places like Mega Mega shopping mall which is a little sister and across the street from Mega Mega Mega shopping mall and they are down the street from Plain Old Mega shopping Strip. Now they have opened a Cold Stone in our little old Elk Grove Village. Elk Grove Village is like an island unto itself....a little jewel in the middle of the hustle bustle of extended Chicagoland. We are cordoned off from the other suburbs by expressways, tollways, a super large forest preserve and the world largest industrial park and not many people find their way in here to shop. We have always complained that the shopping in the Village sucked.....but now we have two supermarkets, a Walmart and a Home Depot. Still....you would hardly call Elk Grove a shopping Mecca. So....they opened up a Cold Stone Ice Cream shop in our fancy, NEW Town Square shopping center. We had a theater that cost only 1.50 and they fancied that up too and now it costs 4.00....I guess that is still cheap. Jeeze,(or should I say Cheezus,)....hope I didn't lose you, I am so digressing....Anyway, It seems that Cold Stone has started putting small versions of their shops near theaters This Cold Stone Ice Cream is supposed to be like no Ice Cream you have ever had before, and ice cream is my downfall. I have managed to stay away from ice cream for months now and no longer buy it to bring home. I don't go to Baskin Robbins and have so far stayed away from Cold Stone...have never had it. Why?.....because being overweight....having to go out into a crowded ice cream shop and order ice cream would be too embarrassing....My neurotic mind would imagine that the whole store full of people would stare at me like in those horor movies where the hero or heroine enters a spooky, hincky town, and they would murmur to each other, "look at that fat lady eating ice cream, there oughta be a law"......so I guess in a way that's good....at least I have shame and neurosis to protect me from blowing my diet. Going to Cold stone is not only supposed to be delicious, it is an experience as well. I have heard tell that they put this glob of the most delicious ice cream you have ever had on a slab of cold marble, and throw on what ever add ins you order, (Snickers bars, M & M's, etc.) and then they smoosh it and smoosh it with some kind of smooshing tool until the ice cream is softened just right and the stuff is mixed in....then they put it on one of those ultra thick and sweet waffle cones and give you a spoon, because it is just too much and I guess you would get your face stuck in it or something if you tried to lick it in the conventional manner. I heard that the Cold Stone Ice Cream is twice as rich and full of fat than regular ice cream so with the giant sugary waffle cone and the giant amount of ice cream they put in it....I guess the calorie count would be something like a million zillion. Anyway...today...the Cold Stone is coming to me and although I won't get to choose the add ins or watch the guy smoosh, I can enjoy it in the comfort of my own home and won't have to worry about the evil voice in my head saying "Jeeze, look at that fat cow." I will have to do my bike ride twice or three times and won't even begin to make up for the ice cream, but maybe it will help. The cat, Abby, woke me up twice this morning. I got up at 6:00AM to feed her and let the bird, Alex out of his cage. By 6:00 AM, Abby is mewing in a whining tone "feed me, feed me, I want to eat" and Alex is squaking, "let me out servant" (No they can't talk, these are imaginary voices.)
Happy Fathers Day to any Dad's who tune in. P. I. Yarnsmith
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I did my duty as pet slave and then went back to bed. An hour later Abby was mewing in the "feed me" voice again and was so pesty, I got up and found that she had puked up all of her first breakfast on my carpet and now wanted second breakfast. I cleaned that up, barely able to focus my eyes, let alone bend from the stiffness my back went into from sleeping too long, and then went to turn on the computer. As I approached what I call my Pilot's seat, (computer chair), I realized that I had left it too close to the window and that Alex had used it as a perch all morning and it was covered with bird shit.
Since my first duties of the day were cleaning a pukey carpet and a shitty desk chair, I feel especially deserving of Cold Stone Ice Cream.