9:20 p.m. - 2004-08-06
Whale Feet

Whale Feet

I ordered a pair of Birkenstock sandals last weekend and anxiously awaited their arrival, dreaming of the cusioned corked cloud my feet would be walking in while breathing the fresh summer air.

Having bought 5 pair of sandals this year, not one of them comfortable, I had pretty much given up and confined my poor feet to white crew socks and sneakers.

I saw the Birkenstocks on QVC. They talked in heavenly voices about how heavenly my feet would feel, cushioned in cork that would mold over the years to fit MY foot exactly. The price....only $67.00. Now I normally don't watch QVC and don't give much a hoot about fashion, but I had just returned from a shopping trip and my feet hurt and they were hot from being clammed up in sneakers. My only comfortable pair of sandles are a flip flop style and I just can't stand that flip flop sound they make as I walk through populated places. I imagine everybody looking at me, annoyed at the flipping and flopping I make with every step.

So, yesterday, the Birkenstocks arrived. My feet look horribly fat in them. They look like whale feet...Ok..well whales don't have feet, but if they did, my feet would be what their feet would look like.

Now I know I am overweight and since I was shocked into that recurring revelation with the Birkenstock incident, I decided to go overboard and get on the slimfast program.

I had a slimfast meal bar for breakfast and afterward, my stomach started to growel. I had a banana for mid morning snack and my stomach continued to growel. I ate my lunch slimfast bar early and all I had eaten up to that point just primed the pump.

By the time I got home from work, dentist appointment and birthday present shopping, I was so hungry, I ate enough for 4 people. I was like a gremlin, snarfing up everything edible in my path, undoing any good I had done during the day. I stopped myself short of gobbling up the remainder of the slimfast bars in the box and now I feel really fat. I think what slimfast is really trying to do is get you to buy more slimfast. Besides....Whoopie still looked fat in those commercials.

Tomorrow is another day...tomorrow we will try something sensible like Oatmeal for breakfast and start from there.

P. I. Yarnsmith

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