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10:29 p.m. - 2004-08-05 Larry The Love Muffin and The Great InsultI haven't written much about Midtown Pallet because nothing much has been happening to write about. I have made my peace with my boss, Chander and have been getting along with him and actually am starting to like the guy. Old Joe has not been coming around at all and things have not been as kooky there as they have been in the past. All but Larry the Love Muffin, that is.Larry has been divorced for 3 years now and I have mentioned before that all this time he was sure he would get back with Darlene at some point. I figured that the day he accepted the fact that the relationship was over for good, he would start drinking again and yes we have smelled a little touch of booze on the breath after lunch. We moved Larry into the office to take over Dan's job, while Dan trains to take over Howard's job and Howard is retiring. Larry was running off at the mouth as usual yesterday about sex and hot young women and making sexual inuendos about every little word that was said. For instance, I mentioned that I went over a hump in the parking lot and he said, "Hump?", his eyebrows going up and down as he said it. Someone else mentioned that all the pallets in back were stacked. He said, "Stacked? like the girl who works at Menards?". He was in one of those moods where the only thing on his mind was sex with a good looking woman. He started making small talk about how things were going to be now that he was in the office. Dan and I were only half listening. Dan was trying to read the paper and I was working on some personal stuff. All the bosses were gone and we were taking it easy. Larry prattled on and on and then says something to the effect of, "What if Paula quit, then we could hire a good looking secretary....you know some hot young blond with a nice figure?" I couldn't believe what I heard. Was I hurt?...no....just stunned. I think Dan was embarrassed for me and didn't look up. I just considered the source. I just looked at him dumbfounded and said "What?" "Just kidding". replied Larry. Dan must have told Howard about the comment and today, both he and Howard were apologizing for Larry's ignorant remark. I told them, "Don't worry, I'll get him back". It didn't take long for my opportunity to come. He was talking to a driver about the cute girl at Menards and they were going on and on about her and I said to the driver, "Larry is only interested in dating girls that would never date him." He was stunned, like I had hit him in the head. Then he said "Wow, where did that come from." I said, "It's true, you want a hot looking girl who would only date a young, good looking guy." "Well, I may not be young, but I am good looking", replied Larry. I blurted out "Yeah, who told you that?". I just looked over at Dan and gave him the thumbs up. Zing..Gotcha back...Now we're even. I hope it's a long long time before someone gives you a roll in the hay and I hope you get so hard up that it is an old bag who weighs 300 pounds and never showers.....There you old love muffin fart you. Well...moving on to another subject now...I am tired of Larry the Love Muffin. Today, we got a new office cat. His name is Pooh Bear and he is a yellow and white tabby. Only 4 months old and very cute. He used to belong to Dan's 2 year old but he wore out his welcome when he pee'd on Dan's bed. Actually, peeing on the bed was the last straw. He also humps the dog and the dog humps him back and they just stand there and do each other....that kind of makes Dan's wife sick. The dog eats the cats shit right out of the litter box. That makes Dan sick. The two baby bunnies guts strewn over the back yard make Dan's mother in law sick. The cat peed on the kitchen floor because Dan locked him up in the kitchen while he cleaned up the dead bunnies. Pooh Bear is now a Pallet Company mouser...lost his warm bed....his 2 year old companion and his doggie lover. Doggie lost gourmet cat shit. I hope he doesn't pee on my desk. Well...that's all for now...by folkes... P.I. Yarnsmith
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