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8:24 p.m. - 2004-05-11 Today, he politely asked me if he could use the facilities. I directed him to our bathroom and he went in and closed the door. After a minute or two, I realized that we had been out of toilet paper and I had been saving McDonalds napkins myself to take in with me. I hoped that he would only have to pee and figured that before he sat down to do anything else he would notice and come out and ask for some T.P. He was in there quite a while, about 10 minutes, and I realized that he probably was doing more than taking a leak. I wondered what he was going to do. After about 15 minutes, he still did not come out and I heard a sound coming from the bathroom..."SHHH SHHH" like an aerosol can being sprayed. Again, I wondered what he was doing for toilet paper. Every minute or so I heard the sound repeated..."SHH SHH". He was in there for about 20 minutes altogether and came out with watery eyes. My first impression was that he had smoked a joint or something in the bathroom, but I wasn't going to go in and give it the sniff test. He closed the bathroom door behind him and started to walk toward the exit, when he turned around, pulled a large can of some kind of aerosol spray out of a pocket inside his jacket, and sprayed the hell out of the space in front of the bathroom door. The smell of the spray was quite pungent and flowery. The office was flooded with the essence of this spray. He just smiled and held the can up to me and says "I brings my own", and out the door he went. The general manager, Howard, walked in and asked what the hell the guy was spraying for. I said that I didn't know if he smoked a joint in the bathroom or if he unloaded a days worth of dinner. Howard quickly asked what he had used for toilet paper and I said I didn't know. Time passed and the bathroom door remained closed and no one in the office knew what lurked on the other side and no one was brave enough to enter. Howard said, "well someone better turn that fan on, for all we knew he shit all over the floor." No one volunteered. I realized that with 2 hours left in the work day, I might have to use the bathroom, so I kicked the door open and flicked the fan on. I was greeted by the strong floral odor of the spray which had now permeated the entire building. There was no crap on the floor and all looked copesthetic, so I quickly closed the door to let the fan do it's work. I also stopped drinking my coffee. There we sat, waiting for one of our truck drivers to return from a run and go in there as an unsuspecting, unjaded, gunea pig to see if the coast was clear. The first one back was Larry, and he headed right for the john and proceeded to wash his hands. Howard, Dan and I watched him go in and then I asked him if there was anything amiss in the bathroom. Larry looked at me suspisiously and said "Why?". "No reason", I said. "I just wanted to know if all seemed ok...no strange smells, or strange stains, huh?" Dan blurted out, "Paula let a giant truck driver use our bathroom", and proceeded to tell him the story about the length of time, the lack of T.P. and the spray. Larry looked over at the toilet and said, "Jesus Christ, he didn't flush." Reaching up with his foot, he gave the toilet a flush. It did not overflow, but it did not go down either. It just popped back up again. I begged him not to flush it again or it would overflow. I said someone was going to have to go in with a plunger. They all voted for me as I was the one who had let him use our bathroom. I said I wasn't going to touch it and said that if I had to go, I would run down the street to the gas station and use theirs. Dan disappeared into the back room. When he emerged, he was dressed in hip boots, rubber gloves up to his elbows, a face mask and a plunger. "OK everyone, I'm going in. Tell my wife I love her." That brave soul had to plunge for 5 minutes to get that thing to go away. The toilet finally flushed free and clear. I asked him to please get some Fantastic and paper towels and wipe down the seat, but he said he didn't have to use the seat and since I was the one who let bubba in, and I was the one who needed the seat, that I would have to do the rest. I still have not had the courage to clean the seat and am considering drinking nothing all night, or before or during work tomorrow so I won't have to do anything requiring me to use that seat. I don't know what that truck driver had to eat, but over the road drivers sit for hours on end and I guess when they finally get up to walk, gravity just works on them and the entire contents of several greasy spoons just comes out at once and by the size of this guy, he must eat alot. We still do not know what he used for toilet paper. Someone suggested that he may have left without his shorts. At least he had the courtesy to carry his own spray.
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