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8:56 p.m. - 2005-02-16 All Freshend UpI got me a new hair cut...I got me a new hair color...I got me a new hair style and I even let my stylist (daughter) talk me into putting sticky gel in my hair. I got my eyebrows waxed...I got other parts of me waxed (only my stylist knows where) and I am gorgeous. I painted my nails and didn't ruin them before they dried. Tomorrow I will wear my low cut sweater and the cast iron bra that pushes it all up and together and see where it gets me. OK...I'm damn near 50 and it's not likely to get me anywhere but at least I will feel good. The reason I make a big deal out of this is that I am just not very good at being girly. I try but I can never keep it all together. Take my nails for instance. This is the 4th time this week I have tried painting my nails. I put the polish on and sit perfectly still with my hands splayed out in front of me for 15 minutes not touching anything. For the next hour, I walk around doing every thing very very carefully. Just when I figure they are dried and the polish hardened, I will scrape a big chunk of nail polish out of one nail on my car keys or something. My daughter has been trying to get me to put "Product" in my hair and style it forever. I hate putting "product" in my hair and prefer to call it "gook". She gave me this great haircut the other day and styled it just right. She showed me how to do it and bought me a tube of gel. This morning, I put in the gel and styled it myself. Instead of looking like the beautiful do my daughter styled, my hair looked like it was covered with lumpy shellac. I went to work looking like that and finally got the heebie jeebies every time I felt the stiff chunks of gelled hair. I couldn't stand it anymore and combed it out. I am not comfortable in nice clothes because when I wear them I will undoubtedly trip, fall and tear a hole in the knee, put my thumb through the pantyhose or knee highs...right out of the box and 100 percent of the time I will spill something on my blouse...if it is a white blouse, that something will for sure be spaghetti sauce. When I wear mascara, 10 minutes doesn't go by before it is smeared under my eyes and I end up looking like a panda bear or even worse....Perry Mason....next time you see a Perry Mason rerun...just look at him...his mascara runs under his eyes too. I enjoy the look of actually having two eyebrows instead of my natural unibrow but oh that hot wax. When my mother used to tell me that women had to suffer to be beautiful, I wonder if she meant ripping hair off of your body with hot wax. And the lo cut sweater...well, I would love to say that my bosoms were as stunning as Hissandtell's, but the truth is, I am almost 50 and without the cast iron bra, they would most likely be somewhere around my knees. Now that I have painted such a lovely picture of myself, I will sign off and go to bed. I have managed to keep my freshly painted nails unscathed all evening and if I go to bed now, maybe...just maybe, I'll make it to work tomorrow and actually look a bit girly. P. I. Yarnsmith
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