10:49 a.m. - 2004-10-03
Trapped

Trapped

I went to a wedding last night. I am not much of a social butterfly. I don't feel comfortable around people and either end up sitting there merely looking stupid for fear of opening my mouth and removing all doubt, or babble on in nervous chatter. Never do I just fit right in.

I was sitting with my good freind and her boyfriend. She was from my AA group. There were other AA's from other groups at my table and the table next to mine. My strategy for the night was to have dinner and visit with the people at my table a while, move onto the next table where I had some aquaintences and then quietly slip out the door and go home early so I could shed the God awful dress clothes and high heels and slip into the comfort of my own home where I didn't have to worry about making conversation or listening to ear blasting music.

Most of the people from my table got up to visit the people at the other table, leaving no hole for me. I decided to talk to my freind and her boyfriend a bit until there was an opening at the next table, visit them, and slip out. I was almost able to execute my plan. (I go through mental calisthenics plotting out my social events so things go smoothy for me.)

Just before I was about to excuse myself to go mingle my way out the door, my friend excused herself to use the ladies room, leaving me with her boyfreind whom I was not acquainted save for our introduction that day. We were the only two left at the table and I felt obliged to make small talk with him until my freind came back, and upon her return, I would execute my mingle/socialize/then split plan.

I mentioned that I wanted to go by Blockbuster and rent a movie on the way home and what movie would he suggest? Movies are always good small talk....you can small talk for a good 15 minutes on movies, certainly enough time for my freind to return from the ladies room.

I have been trying to pinpoint exactly when things started to fall apart....the tragic flaw of the evening. I think it might have been when we ran out of movies to talk about and mentioned that at least Saturday Night Live was having their season opening tonight.

The boyfreind's eyes brightened up and he looked at his watch and said "Oh Yeah, I want to make sure I catch that, they will be making fun of the debates."

I laughed and said, "I saw a blog today that poked fun of the debates and it pretty much said the gist of it was: Bush: "I make good war" and Kerry: "I could make war, better".

In social settings I never let my political leanings take me down the road of political discussion. I don't want to piss anyone off and I in turn do not want to go home pissed off.

We both had a good chuckle and then silence. In the meantime, I am figuring "What the hell happened to Nancy, did she fall in or something." I looked up and saw that on her way back she had filled the hole at the next table that I had my eye on. While searching my brain for another small talk topic to break the uncomforable silence, the boyfreind said; "You know, we just got to get that murderin bastard out of the White House."

Figuring that I was now dealing with a Kerry supporter and not wanting to get into it with him, I simply smiled and looked over at the other table. Then this guy goes on to say that "Kerry is a murdering bastard too and we need to get a third party in so we can stop murdering people all over the world."

Again, I just smiled and looked across the room. I commented on how loud the music was and that it was hard to hear what he was saying. Then this guy asks me, "Don't you think that we need to get these murdering son's of bitches out of power?"

Posed with a question, I didn't know how to answer with a non-answer that would just make this guy go away, so I said "Ahem....I disagree. I find it hard to believe that whether this war is right or wrong that either of these men would encourage the death of innocent people just for their own pocketbooks. I believe that kind of stuff is in the realm of conspiracy theory and I can't buy into any of it."

His eyes grew wide and his arms and hands were waving wildly as he expounded a tale of a mere 1 percent of the extreme right wing that he called Neo-cons that ruled the world and preordained everything that goes on in the world and that Bush and Kerry were mere puppets to this sinister group. This guy started sounding like a guest on the Art Bell radio show. I restrained myself from asking if he had a little tinfoil hat at home that he wore to get his messages from outer space.

I put on my driving glasses and grabbed my keys signaling that I wanted to go home, but this guy wasn't gonna let me go without having his say. He kept talking and talking and I realized that I was going to have to steer the conversation into a direction that we could both mutually agree upon if I wanted to get out of there without making an enemy. Listening to him, I found a few things that he was saying that I was in agreement with. I steered the conversation to those issues and we had a nice give and take of ideas that ended in amity.

Finally the party ended and the rest of the group approached. My freind said to the boyfreind, "I told you not to get into any politics tonight".

He replied, "well, your freind here is so interesting and intellegent and we were having a really great conversation. At first we wanted to kill each other, but we were able to find some common ground in the end.".

In my head I was thinking "I didn't want to kill you, I just think you're a nut case". But I wisely played the little social game out for the sake of parting amicably.

I laughed and told the rest of the group, "you know how hard I have tried not to get into political discussions and piss people off." They all agreed that I had indeed been good about not letting politics get in the way of freindships and we all had a good hug. Even the boyfreind gave me a hug.

"Well", I lied, "It is always a pleasure to have a good intellectual conversation with someone who has a brain in their head, even if we have opposing views". The boyfriend beamed at my compliment.

So...exit strategy didn't work but I did get through my social ordeal with my reputation of being a generaly congenial person in tact....though it was exhausting. I blew off the rental movie I had planned and went home, completely worn out at having to work so hard just to get along with people. I really would make a good hermit.

P.I. Yarnsmith

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