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6:33 p.m. - 2004-09-09 Making Changes - Breaking your MoldIf I could use the time I spend dreaming constructively, would I use it to build the life I dream about? My imagination is fertile and in my head, I live in a wonderful old home with a wonderful garden full of espelliers and potagers and all kinds of french foo's foos. I would grow 1001 heirloom vegetables like little fuzzy round cucumbers and red sweet corn and 50 different varieties of tomatoes. I would have every kind of pepper, green, mild, bell, banana, jalepenos, habeneros, all of them. I would have a couple of cats and a big old dog. At harvest time, I would can and freeze everything in my garden. I would have a little guest cottage out back and all kinds of thing for kids to play on so that people with kids would visit me and we could cook marvelous things using my garden. Why don't I live like this? I dream too much. Dreaming is easy...but then you have to wake up. If I actualized my dream, would I still love it? Seeing as how I choose to remain here...they way I live now, maybe this is my dream and I just don't know it. No...this can't be my dream, no one would want to live the way I live. OK, well, I guess a homeless person would want to live the way I live, or maybe someone who lives in a trailer park, or someone who lives in a shack...really, my little townhome is not so bad...just painfully small and I can't have that cool garden. I do try though, to put one foot in front of the other and develop new habits and break old ones. I cut my smoking down from 2 pack per day to 10 nicotine free cigaretts per day, I am now walking on a regular basis, I don't really eat fast food anymore...but I still eat too much. I am starting a little business....maybe that will be the thread to pull that will make the above mentioned dream come true. I am reading a story about a woman who was extremely fat and is now skinny and how she did it. It starts out with an excerpt from Winnie The Pooh that I find funny. I am too lazy to get up off my ass and get it, so I will paraphrase it here: Piglet said to Pooh, "What do you think about when you wake up in the morning, Pooh? "Oh' that's easy" said Pooh. "I think about what I'm going to have for breakfast...what do you think about when you wake up in the morning, Piglet?" "Oh, I think about what's exciting that's going to happen today", said Piglet. "It's the same thing", said Pooh This little excerpt got me wondering because my current project, besides this new business, is to take charge of my health. But I am always thinking about food. I love food. I love to cook it, plan it, buy it and eat it. When it comes to food, every day is a special day, a reason to celebrate. It has the same hold on me that booze did. Look, even my dream has a food garden. Do I really look more forward to food than I do something exciting. Is it the same thing to me as it is to Pooh? Oh well..the most exciting thing that has happened to me today is that Martin Stamper called us collect from Prison and he wants his money...I can live without that kind of excitement....Perogies anyone? P. I. Yarnsmith
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