12:22 p.m. - 2004-11-26
Thanksgiving 2004

Well Now..Glad That's All Over

As I type this, I am dead...even after more than 10 hours sleep, I am dead and my poor old back is shot.

Because my home is in an eternal state of "in the middle of a rehab" handyman special and the kitchen is next on the list, I have thrown my last 3 holiday shindigs at my daughters condo which has a hallway kitchen.

Being only 24 and a minimalist when it comes to home accessories, entertaining at my daughters always requires me to lug over half my kitchen.

I shopped on Monday night and had already schlepped all the food up to her 2nd floor unit and I had planned to come home from work early on Wednesday to schlep over electric roaster, two crockpots, a dutch oven, 3 qt. sautee pan, and saucepan. I was then going to prepare the crockpot dishes for plugging in promptly at 6 the next morning.

Mother nature decided to put the kibosh on my well made plans by delivering the Chicago area several inches of heavy wet snow in a matter of hours right during the holiday rush hour. Even though I left work an hour early, it took me 2 1/2 hours to get home which put me 2 hours behind and in an exausted state to begin the "Great Kitchen Schlep."

Michelle went out with her boyfriend leaving me in the kitchen which is large enough to only accomodate 1 anyway and I cooked for 3 hours, finishing up around midnight. My 3 hours of cooking was made all the more inconvenient having only a teaspoon and a steak knife to stir and cut with.

I arose at 5AM Thanksgiving morning, after about 4 hours sleep and got to Michelles by 6. I got smart overnight and packed a bag with serving spoons, my giant stirring spoon and a nice big sharp chopping knife. I wrapped the chopping knife in newspaper and put it in the plastic bag with the other utensils. On my way to the car, it unwrapped itself and cut a slit through the plastic bag and freed itself. I picked it up and carried it the rest of the way, slipping and sliding on the glare ice that the heavy wet snow melted into. I realized that at 6AM on Thanksgiving morning, I could slip and fall upon that knife and lay there in the stillness of the holiday morning bleeding to death...fortunately that didn't happen.

I think I probably ruined everybodys Thanksgiving culinary experience. Because I don't entertain often and because I like to try new things. Instead of sticking to the few tried and true family favorites, I made new things and did a few things in a different way.

One thing changed was, instead of roasting a whole turkey in an oven, I brought over my new electric roaster and bought 3 boneless breasts. The roaster didn't brown the boneless breast and they looked really white and gross...sort of like 3 tiny baby butts oozing white fat. Everyone said they tasted good....but I didn't think they did and there is way too much left over.

I also have been wanting to try some other stuffing recipes, but knew my family was not adventerous. I decided to have a "stuffing tasting" feature. I made our tried and true regular, run of the mill bread stuffing and two kinds of cornbread stuffing. One with Sausage and apples and one with wild rice, walnuts, and mushrooms. The regular went over well, but let me just say that I will be eating cornbread stuffing for the next year and a half....in the end...I didn't care for it much either.

Following is my menu.

Bonless Breast of Turkey

Regular bread stuffing

Cornbread stuffing with sausage and apple

Cornbread stuffing with mushroom, wild rice and walnuts

Mashed sweet potato with cream, maple syrup, pumpin pie spice and walnuts

Corn casserole

Brocolli casserole with cream of mushroom soup and cheddar cheese (mistake: not our usual velveeta and ritz cracker casserole)

Pork and cranberry stew

Mashed potatoes (made by Aunt Marilyn)

Really bad gravy because boneless breast only produces gross looking white fat globs...not nice brown particles)

The world best apple pie (brought by my sister)

A Bakers Square pumkin pie (brought by my sister)

My family is not adventurous when it comes to eating. The mashed potatos and pies went well....everyone said everything else was good but the leftovers and the barely made dents in most of my dishes tell me that they were just being nice when they said that. I have way way too much food that no body will eat left over.

I must remember this experience and must apologize to my family for messing with our tried and true menu. As God is my witness, I will only make a real turkey in a real oven, our usual broccoli cheese casserole and our regular stuffing if you all ever allow me to cook for you again...I PROMISE!!!!!

Last night I passed out very very early. All night long I dreamed that babys were crawling into my turky roaster and roasting themselves. I will never be able to roast a turkey breast again.

I still have to schlep the left overs and my kitchen back home today. My back is shot...I am shot...I could barely bend over to pick up the cat puke this morning.

All in all...I am Thankful that it is the company that makes Thanksgiving and not the food. (It certainly isn't the football as our poor Chicago Bears just can't seem to keep their best players off the injured list.) I had a wonderful time with my wonderful family who were all too nice and gracious to tell me that my food was anything but delicious.

P. I. Yarnsmith

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