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4:06 p.m. - 2005-09-25 College, where Plumber Butt is a Rite of Female PassageYesterday, I paid a visit to Monmouth College in Monmouth, IL with my Sister, Brother in Law, and two Nephews for Family Day and to see the Fraternity House room my Nephew, Don lives in for his sophomore year at the beautiful, historic, tree lined private college. As in last year, I walked, stood and remained on my feet for hours longer than I normally do and this year we added multiple stair climbs. Today, I can barely move. It is embarrassing. This year, I didn�t bring my camera as I figured one picture on Donald in a kilt (it is a Scottish College) is enough and I got that last year. Not having a camera afforded me time to observe the behavior of the college young man and the college young woman. The first observation I made, and this is 100 percent consistent across the entire student body, is that today�s college age young woman doesn�t wear pants any looser than a grape skin and cut down to meet the top edge of the butt crack. To don these pants, they must somehow liquefy their lower body, pour it into the pants and re-solidify once the pants are zipped. The college age young lady then wears a top that is also tight, the lower hemmed edge sitting just above her naval exposing a part of the female body that only looks good naked or if you have an exquisite figure. The skinniest of these young women can get away with this but those with what would appear to be a nice figure when dressed properly, can sometimes be a bit hippy and fleshy in this area and an ample derriere can work and pull on these skin tight pants exposing an embarrassing case of plumber butt if the young lady should attempt to do anything but stand upright, very, very still. Still, the college age young man doesn�t seem to mind this at all, eyes glued to the plumber butt and tongue hanging out unaware of how ape-shit he looks. Another observation is that when the college age young man approaches the college age young lady from behind, the college age young man invariably reaches out and touches the college age young lady on the lower back in that exposed area just above the potential plumber butt instead of tapping her on the shoulder or calling her name as he would with his Mother or Auntie. As the college age young man works his way across campus, he approaches other college age young men and without so much as any other kind of greeting or intention of stopping, jumps up to meet the other college age young man�s �high five� while uttering some syllables that the parents of the college age young man cannot understand. Some language of the jungle perhaps. I observed the behavior of a number of college age young men smiling sheepishly at their combined evil thoughts as a particularly nice looking college age young lady walked by in her grape skin tight jeans. My nephew announced that she had once given him a hug, where the others looked at him like he was the luckiest man in the world. I took him aside and pointed out the fact that although attractive, she was a bit too hippy and fleshy in the midriff area to be wearing the jeans and pointed out her exposed plumber butt, he just remarked that most guys didn�t care about that because her face was so cute and then there were those �massive breasts�. I didn�t particularly need to hear that from my Nephew�but then again, I stuck my nose in where I shouldn�t have and I guess I asked for it. All in all we had a great time as I usually do with my family. Punchy by the end of the day, they got in a huge fit of laughter at my handicap of not being able to sveltely hop up into the innards of a van with grace and on the ride home we debated who farted in the car verses whether or not it was human shit they used on the farm fields we were passing that was causing the occasional pungency. We always have a good laugh together. P. I. Yarnsmith
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