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7:13 p.m. - 2006-05-29
Oh the Gardening I did
I always dreamed of having acerage. This is while I lived in a condominium. I dreamed of fields of wild flowers and large vegetable gardens, growing every heirloom vegetable under the sun. Of course in my little fantasy, I always have time to can the tomatoes and impress a bevy of guests with my wonderful cooking skills using fresh ingredients I grew myself, wowing everyone with odd ball items like little round fuzzy cucumbers and tiny "tom thumb" heads of lettuce.

I dreamed of a spot in the yard to build a stately English garden with hedges of boxwood surrounding evergreens shaped into animals and spirals and swirls. A cutting garden which would be used to freshen a myriad of vases scattered artfully throughout my impecibly clean and tastefully decorated home would be way out in the back with a charming flagstone path leading to it.

Reality check.

Now that I own a small 1936 Cape Cod on a city lot, the home which I wish were impecibly clean is hosting a bevy of dust bunnies while I try to grow a few tomato plants and create garden beds that by the standards of my dream look puny.

There are things I never thought of while considering the wonderful garden I would build. I did not count on the following:

1. In the early Spring, the neighbors cedar trees would shed tiny little rake resistant pinecones all over my yard, but oddly enough, not his.

2. The tiny pinecones would be followed by a billion or rather, several billion maple seeds from the ugly Silver Maple I wish we could afford to chop down.

3. The maple seeds would clog up our gutters and downspouts leaving a fermenting mass of smelly compost to be cleaned out including tiny maple trees. This of course was needing to be done on a 90 degree day with 90 percent humidity in the sun under a cloudless sky.

4. Just when we had picked up every last stick that had fallen from the endless supply of mature trees in the neighborhood, a giant limb would come crashing down and damage our new down spout, narrowly missing a picture window. the limb would need to be rendered into brush the size of which the garbage men would take, and bundled. The limb itself, approximately 15 feet long, would have to be cut into chunks small enough to go into the garbage can piece by piece over the course of many weeks.

5. Upon rendering the limb into trash and all traces cleaned up, lightning would strike another neighbors tree sending yet another limb into our yard, right into the new garden bed I just finished planting today.

Thunder roarded and wind blew and you would never be able to tell that I picked up every stick in the yard just 3 hours ago.

I am in serious doubt about getting my greenbeans, squash and pumpkins planted and evil, tiny maple trees have taken over my tomato bed.

In my dream, I am Martha Stewart...comforably and casually pointing my magic shovel or charmed hoe while wonderful things sprout out of the ground and of course, weeds don't grow in an enchanted garden.

In reality. I am sitting here with aching buttox and dirt encrusted nails which I fear shall never come clean again.....dreaming.

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