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8:24 p.m. - 2005-12-19
I'm More than Average

Is there yet another job hunt in my future?

My first full time job was a flop. I didn't even last a year. Forced to leave school to get an (Yikes)office job when what I really wanted to be was a college student and what I was studying had more to do with journalism and communications than anything corporate, my heart just wasn't in it and I failed miserably as "clerk-typist". My father passed away months before this life altering change and Mom thought I would be better served working full time than partying the college life learning, in her words, "bullshit". She was terrified, newly widowed with 3 teen aged children and I think she found comfort in my working in a sensible job rather than becoming some kind of professional student, or dabbling in some kind of artsy farsty endeavor that would forever leave her worried about me.

Since my choice was quit school and go to work or leave home and forage for myself, I did both. I quit school, got a job and went forth foraging for myself. This is how I became "stuck" in the office world. Years and years rolled by and all I ever did was gain more and more office experience. This is where I am now....an office worker and where I forever shall be unless I find some way out and at almost 50 years old, I have run out of options.

However, I haven't run out of self esteem. As a matter of fact, I was running empty on self esteem until this year when I proved to myself that if I set my sights high, I can attain loftier places.

In all my office going years, I have had many a review. Every one of them was satisfactory...no more...no less...average...right down the middle. In times past before the corporate world became so full of itself that they had to develop bigger and fancier ways to say "YOUR AVERAGE", my annual review would be a check list of qualities with little boxes next to each quality that said "below average"...."average"...and "above average". Every employer I ever had marked average all the way down, made me sign the paper and if I dared not sign and want to discuss where I believed I was above average here or there, they would begrudgingly mark one or two of those boxes to secure my signature and give me an average raise anyway.

Todays review was one of those fancy schmancy big corporate reviews. I had to do a "self analysis" which was made up of questions full of bullshit jargon that I could barely digest. I in turn wrote corporate jargon bullshit back (Hey, maybe this is the bullshit my Mother was afraid I was learning in college). This was apparently to file in the CORPORATE JARGON BULLSHIT FILE never to see the light of day again, because it was never even discussed.

Joe then brought out a list of "objectives" This is corporate speak for "stuff they hired me to do". Next to each objective were little boxes to check with the words; did not meet expectations.....met expectations....and exceeded expectations. This is corporate speak for: below average....average....and above average. Each choice next to each objective was marked "MET EXPECTATIONS"....I knew it would be. One was marked "EXCEEDED EXPECTATIONS". Now...considering that I was grossly underqualified for this job I B.S'd my way into to begin with, I suppose it is a good review...but I expect that it was just a standard..."here's your average review so we can give you a shitty raise" type of review.

Joe talked about how I was an asset to the company and he enjoyed working with me. Then he promptly doubled my responsibilities and my work load for 2006, shook my hand and dismissed me.

Wait a minute....what about the money....no one talked about any money...not even AVERAGE money.

I realized that every employee had gotten a review in the past two weeks and being the payroll lady, I realized that no one else got a raise either...no one except for Jack "Joe" Benny who was promoted to President and given a nice sum of $104,000.00 per year, a company car and phone allowance as well as a hefty commission on anything he sold.

Considering that the bonus plan which I would have qualified for in 2 weeks was recently taken off the list of employee benefits, the 3 week vacation after 5 years was changed to "work here all your life sucker and you'll never get more than 2 weeks vacation", and our sick days were trimmed from 5 to 3 per year, I think we are all being taken for a little ride. On top of all this we now have less insurance for more money. Yet everyone's job description is twice as long and we are all expected to come in early and work late. This job is rapidly becoming a place that I won't be able to stay with much longer.

This has not been a waste. I have learned tremendous skills here, improved my self image by knowing what I am capable of if I really try and my self discipline has tripled. Where I was desperate for a decent job last year, I am no longer desperate and can afford to take my time looking for a company that is worthy of ME, instead of me looking for a company I am worthy of.

I have learned valuable lessons...like life is too short to sell yourself short, and that the time to negotiate a position for yourself is before getting hired.

I can see the writing on the wall here. This is a cheap ass boss in a sinking ship and I won't waste much more time with the bailing pail helping them stay dry. I don't want to take my vacation until spring when it is warm enough to enjoy and work a little on my garden, so I will just bide my time and do the best job I can, knowing that the day I take my vacation, my first stop will be at the recruiter to start my hunt for the next job and folks....I have a list of qualifications that need to be met before I will even agree to an interview.

Yes...I am on my high horse (and riding with a tiara on my head).

P. I. Yarnsmith

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