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1:45 p.m. - 2006-05-08 CasinoIf I had called up to heaven and spoken to the angel in charge of beautiful days and placed an order for yesterday, I couldn�t have asked for a more picture perfect day. My yard is in the middle of complete deconstruction and reconstruction (which is why I have not posted in way too long) and every beautiful day is a chance to get it where I want it by planting time. I am stingy with my days off to say the least. Unfortunately, weeks ago we promised Mom we�d get her out of the nursing home and take her to the one and only place she wants to go�..The Riverboat Casino. We promised her the weekend before she took the stroke and she has forgotten many things, but she has not forgotten that promise. I did not relish spending this beautiful day in a gambling casino. I get no joy from gambling. I hate crowds and I hate noise. On top of it all, I hate spending time with my Mother in Law. She is using a walker now�.a walker with wheels�.and she walked very very slow. We entered the casino and I really thought that the noise and confusion were going to disorientate her but nothing in a casino disorientates my Mother in Law. She was like a slow walking fiend on slow moving wheels, determined to find �THE MACHINE SHE WANTED�. This sensory overload in this place was unbearable. Each machine made it�s own �Woo Woo�, or �doodaloodaloodleloo�dodalodaloodleloo� or �BEEP BEEP BEEP� or �CLANG CLANG CLANG�. You get the picture. The sound of 500 machines all making their individual musical noises sounded like a bad orchestra tuning up, very very loudly. The sound of many people talking and murmuring was blended in and the whole thing was augmented by two kinds of music going at once. I believe I heard Cher singing above the doodaloodadoodleoo�s and clangs and yelling and PA annoucments. The visual sensory overload was just as bad�lights flashing everywhere, no matter where I looked. I became fixated�hypnotized by some machine with flashing video images�.I will never be able to get it out of my mind. It was called �HOT HOT PENNY� and featured an evil looking woman cartoon character with a round face and flames for hair. I hate HOT HOT PENNY. We stepped inside the gaming room and Mom began to walk. We walked behind her�at the rate of two steps per minute�.walking so slowly it was hard to remain upright. Mom�s face went completely blank and into her �mouth breather� stare. For the next hour we walked slower than snails pace through crowds of people. Mom didn�t care if her walker hit anyone and they didn�t care if they hit Mom. Sick�Sick people spending a day sent from Heaven, pumping 20 dollar bills into the slots. You don�t pull a handle any more, you push a button. You no longer hear the satisfying clunk of money hitting the pan, you push a button and just silently watch the numbers roll. When you want to cash out, you get a piece of paper to feed into another slot�..but I digress. We wandered and wandered and wandered through the casino. When asked if she wanted to play this slot or that slot�she just said, �NO, I can�t find the ONE I want.��.so we ambled a bit longer. FINALLY, we found her machine and someone else was sitting in front of it.. We sat down to wait for it and in noticing it, the woman on it almost embraced it as if to say �forget it honey�.I�m never leaving�. Out of exasperation, we finally coaxed her into playing the one she was in front of. Thank heaven it started paying off for her. For the next hour we sat and watched her slowly lose all the money she brought, but she had fun and at one time was up to 200.00. When asked if she should cash in, we asked, �then what�. She said, �then we�ll look for another machine�. My standard answer was �this one is paying for you�why don�t you stick with it�. Finally, it stopped paying off after it sucked back all it gave her. But she had a ball while it was paying and enjoyed herself. It was however our fault for not insisting she cash out. Knowing better, I popped a 20.00 of my own into the machine next to her. It sucked the whole thing up in less than 3 minutes. I knew it would and chastised myself for doing it. I didn�t play anymore and neither did Mike. We just watched Mom. We suggested getting something to eat in an effort to usher her out the door and into our backyard for the remainder of the day. We had an $8.00 hotdog with potato chips. When we were finished, she headed right back to the casino. I looked at Mike with pleading eyes. This time though we had a plan. Mom and I stood outside of the gaming room while Mike hunted down THE only machine she wanted to play, rather than us doing to slow roll through hundreds of machines. � hour later, (me trying to hold Mom back with both hands as she kept inching into the gaming room.) Mike reported back that there were 3 machines of the type she wanted to play and they were all being used. �Well, what should I play then� she asked. This is a question she asked before and all of our suggestions were turned down with �I don�t like that kind of machine�. I wanted to scream�.just pick one�they�re all gonna suck you dry anyway. I whispered to Mike�.�I am never coming here again�. I asked Mom, �Do you want to come over to our place and enjoy the yard on this nice day.� �Uh!, Well, Ok� she said sadly. As we rolled (ever so slowly) down the gangway and out the door, she perked up and said �Maybe when you take me here for my Birthday, I�ll be able to find a machine I like�. JOB OFFER: We need a female to go with Mom in case she has to pee and needs help in the bathroom. This is why I have to go. I will pay anybody�big money to go in my place on June 10, 2006. Candidate should be deaf, not mind sitting endlessly looking at spinning wheels and flashing lights, and walking at a slug�s pace. Pack a lunch because I am not springing for an 8.00 hot dog. P. I. Yarnsmith
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