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10:16 a.m. - 2005-04-30 First some funny stuff, then...my dream homeOK..to start out, here is the latest fashion of men's beachwear actually seen on a beach somewhere. I forgot where but these photos are courtesy of my sister Linda...I just had to share them and No...they are NOT photos of my brother in law.
OK...the following photos are photos of my dream house which hubby and I are going to go see tomorrow. Oh...and instead of being smooshed between two other houses (and in Elgin that could mean a crack house on either side)...this house has a Renovated Victorian Mansion for a neighbor and their lawn goes on forever before you get to the house. The open feeling the yard has is rare for a city lot.
OK...now before you all start shaking your heads...you know that I have been back and forth on this staying married issue, and that most of you have been cheering on the seperation because it seems like what I want. I don't know what I want. What I want is a nice house. Am I willing to stay married just to keep his half of the equity????....Does that make me a house whore?????? Stay with me here. Part of my going back and forth about this is based on the fact that I have been living with this man for 28 years and have known him for 30. Part of me is afraid to live alone...part of me doesn't want to see him suffer...part of me doesn't want the guilt...and the greedy part of me is a house whore. So far this week, he has not done a whole hell of alot of work. The black hole has been worked on and is now merely a brown hole. (hmmm..does that mean itis full of shit??? yes..it is still full of shit...just less of it.). He has used the "I'm withdrawing from drugs" excuse and "I feel sick" excuse to get out of not doing a whole hell of alot. I think he is still sleeping until 2PM. The more serious I get aobut making this move in the next 2 months....the more his body language and side comments lead me to believe that he is going to try to stall me. This home we are going to look at tomorrow, is almost too good to be true at they have lowered the asking price from 208,000.00 to 199,000.00. The seller needs to have it sold by the end of May to join her husband in Wisconsin where he has been transferred. I would love to make her an offer of 195,000.00, but I am not ready to put my house up for sale yet. This is a stressful time. I am making no bones about it to Mike that I WILL LEAVE HIM, if I don't get my way and if he doesn't change. This move will make or break our marriage...if it breaks it...by the time we are finished....it will not be a shock to him that I am leaving him. He will have had ample warning. However, because of this, my hands are tied as to making any kind of offer because I will need to know what my plans are before making a bid on anything. So...my dream house is there..within reach...but I can't move on it now. If it is meant to be...it will be there two months from now...I will just have to accept what happens. In the meantime, I need to pack up my stuff....look at houses and just move forward...one day at a time. A second problem may be the mortgage I can qualify for. My daughter's boyfriend is trying to get me prequalified for 90,000.00 to 100,000.00. If I can get that, I can buy my dream home WITH my husband, or that little cottage WITHOUT my husband. However, by conventional means, I really only qualify for a 60,000.00 mortage. That, and my half of the equity will get me a crack house. It is all in the cards...it is all up in the air...it is all left to chance. What will happen to Paula...will she get her dream house?....her dream cottage?....a crack house?....keep the husband?...start a whole new life?...Die prematurely from stress?...what will happen? I feel like I am on "Let's make a Deal" and someone else gets to pick which curtain to pull. P. I. Yarnsmith
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