THE BLACK HOLE

If you all don't hear from me for a few days, send the rescue squad because it will mean I have been swallowed up by the BLACK HOLE, or eaten by the creature that lives there.

The BLACK HOLE, is my husband's bedroom and ONE of the many reasons I moved out of there long long ago.

We are both horders...as in horders of things, but I am in the "collector of cool, pretty and usuable stuff" catagory of horder, while I catagorize my husband as an official "Pack Rat", a horder of anything and everything. This man simply refuses to throw anything away. When something has been sitting on our dining room table awhile or on the catch all we refer to as a dining room hutch, I will try to throw it away and if he catches me he will take it and it will disappear into THE BLACK HOLE never to be seen again.

Years ago, I explained to my Mother how the room sort of becomes a living creature after a while. I will clean it out, and it doesn't stay that way 24 hours, before the mass accumulation of all things broken and worthless starts anew. The furniture pieces are like bones on which other things are piled, creating muscle and fat and sinew and all the other things that lay on top of a creatures bones. The last layer is usually a layer of clothing and blankets and such forming a skin and when you look into the room it looks like a creature of gargantuan proportions has made the room it's den.

I once borrowed a suitcase from Mom. She was adamant about getting it back from me as soon as I was done using it and made me promise that it would not disappear into that room and become some creatures spine.

I had a cat named Dusty. One day Dusty disappeared and never came home. 6 months later I was explaining the Black hole creature's theory to my sister. I told her that while cleaning the black hole, I picked up the first layer of flesh and found the skeleton underneath. Not quite understanding what I was trying to explain to her, Lindas eyes grew wide. A disgusted grimace appeared on her face and she filled her lungs, sucking air between her clenched teeth. "DUSTY?" she questioned as she exhaled.

Yes, my entire family is familiar with the BLACK HOLE. It was even conceivable to my sissy that a cat could become hoplessly lost in there, perish, rot and turn into a skeleton with out our noticing until the room was cleaned.

I used to go in and clean the room once every 3 or 4 month or so, but it only encouraged him to save more broken stuff. I finally learned to deal with it by shutting the door, pretending the room didn't exist.

What do I expect to find???? Well there are for sure lots of old clothes from the 1970's that he has never allowed me to pitch...guess what...I don't care about his feelings anymore...I'm pitching them. He won't have room for them in the SRO anyway. The most useless thing I know I will find will be a about 1000 empty pill bottles. He is on 4 different medications and saves every bottle. A month ago, I noticed giant pill bottles lingering in the dining room, then disappearing. I have since discovered that he has been bringing home his Mother's emply pill bottles as well...why???? In his words, "because they are good for holding things".

He got this habit from his Mother. When she moved here from Arizona, she packed up and moved 50 boxes via UPS to our place where in the stacking, we had something that resembled a habitrail in our living/dining room...Walls O boxes forming corridors and paths leading from one room to the other. In the unpacking, we found that 45 of these boxes were packed with 30 year old clothes and even older sheets and worn towels. In addition there was a hoard of empty jars and containers.

Mom brought the old sheets and towels for me. Every time we opened another box of them I would hear her say "Lucky Paula."

I didn't argue...I took the old stuff and stopped by an apartment complex dumpster on the way home.

In trying to prepare Mike for the pitching of his treasures, I told him that I was going to have to fill garbage bags when cleaning THE BLACK HOLE. I promised him that I would throw away an equal portion of my stuff (like hell I will).

I have to do this cleaning on my own or he will never allow me to throw anything away. As far as my junk goes??? Well, I am going to rent a storage area and pack them in boxes and take them there....he will never know.

OK folks...stalled here long enough....I'M GOIN IN.....PLEASE....CALL THE RESCUE SQUAD IF I DON'T POST BY MONDAY NIGHT.

P. I. Yarnsmith

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