7:16 p.m. - 2007-04-14
Poke in the eye with a sharp stick II

El Klutzo

and other stories

If I don't go blind from this cataract operation then I've got an angel sitting on my shoulder. Dr. Seigle's grave warnings about NEVER-EVER touching my eye for 2 weeks has had the result of making my eye a magnet for my fingers at every opportunity. To date I have poked, wacked or rubbed my eye on the average of 3 times per day.

Another rule of the road was to tape a shield over my eye at night lest I forget in a sleepy stupor and rub it accidentally. I even managed to screw that up. One night, I rolled over onto my face in sleep and the shield shifted and dug into my eye. I dreamed someone was poking my eye out and I was in pain...I awoke in pain. I tore the shield off and my sight was screwed up. Being 3AM, there was nothing I could do but worry so I taped the shield back on, lie awake for the rest of the night and worried. In the morning, my vision seemed fine.

I went for my 1 week check up and I did indeed, damage my eye but not badly. Although the damage is most likely permanent, if I refrain from touching it a mere 5 days longer, I will be somewhat OK. Guess what I did?....poked it again and again and just now at dinner, I poked it again. klutz's like me have no business having surgery. I just can't take care of myself.

On another note. I went out bumming today. Sherman Hospital had their "Upscale" garage sale in a historic old building that my neighborhood association just saved through lobbying and petitioning and creating a historic district out of the area it resides in. I hope to join this association some day if I ever have a job that allows me a life. My passion for old architecture and my need for a social outlet tells me this will be just the thing I need to enhance my boring life. That is if I don't go blind first. Although the building was beautiful, built in the 1800's (they don't build office buildings like this anymore), the only thing "upscale" about the garage sale was the prices they put on the "junk" for sale. Nevertheless, I did manage to find a treasure for cheap. A hand thrown pottery birdhouse to add to my newly started birdhouse collection, this being the first piece in the collection.

Before I went to the garage sale, I went to the bank. On my way back through town I noticed a protest going on across the street from the library. There was a throng of people on this day, April 14th, wearing thick winter gear; earmuffs, woolen hats and scarfs, mittens and gloves and they looked like they were shivering. Their giant sign read "Stop global warming". Now, I don't get involved in what people believe, and I am never one to call someone's personal beliefs wrong...and please don't leave me a bunch of notes advocating that global warming is a true fact....I don't make my political belief's known here and don't give a rat's ass about yours but I did resist the urge to yell out the window, "Do you know how ridiculous you look"? Because whether you believe that the earth is coming to an end because of man kind or not....it did look pretty damn funny.

Now...I will make another comment (as I have in the past) about the shaving of the land to widen roads to serve the people who's idea of moving to the country is to buy into a large development of putty colored mini-mansions with 3 car garages to park their 3 SUV's in. Those 150 year old oak trees sure looked sad on the side of the road after being "trimmed" for the new power and telephone lines that needed to be put in for the mini mansion inhabitants. I wanted to cry as I road past these once stately senior citizens that now looked like multiple amputees with their great arms sawed off mid branch, their symmetry ruined and their gnarled old fingers no longer gracing the skyline.

My last stop was a place called Junk Warehouse in the wealthy suburb of Barrington. This was a beautiful ride as I drove through miles and miles of elegant estates and horse country. What homes could be viewed were like castles sitting in the middle of emerald rolling pasture land, surrounded by stately oaks and other trees who would never be amputees because the people who live here are wealthy enough to buy their privacy and restrictive covenants prevent any of them from selling their acreage off to developers of putty colored mini mansion orchards. One exception is the wealthy town of Lake Forest where Mr. T from the Rocky movie, moved in and promptly cut down all the trees on his property to the horror of his white neighbors. He claims he had allergies, they claimed he was sticking it to whitey...who knows. I'll bet though that the Village of Lake Forest has since enacted ordinances that will forever prevent that from happening again....but I digress.

Junk Warehouse is one of these new trendy places started by a couple of stay at home moms. They collect junk, nail it together in an artsy fartsy way and sell it for big bucks. They spend the month collecting and nailing and gluing and have a sale once a month from Spring through Fall. They also sell new stuff that is rusted to look old and the last time I was there, 2 years ago, I bought a replica of a lady's head made out of rusted metal. It looked a thousand years old but it was brand new. I paid $12.00 for it and my husband is still shaking his head as to why I would buy something brand spaking new and pay them to rust it.

Their business has taken off and they now offer classes on how to nail your own junk together to make artsy fartsy stuff, how to paint something so it is all chippy white and looks like it has been sitting in the rain for 20 years and how to rust your own brand new metal stuff. Their prices also reflect their increased popularity. I saw many nice things there but my money stayed in my purse. I refuse to pay $35.00 for a mason jar with holes punched in the top to make flower arranging easier. However, I did get some really nice ideas and you can bet that when I go to another "upscale" garage sale, I might not pass up that rusted lamp post head that no longer works so I can nail it to the top of a porch spindle, paint the spindle chippy white and glue a candle holder into the center of the rusted lamp post head. Yeah....just the perfect touch for my garden.

P. I. Yarnsmith

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