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5:52 p.m. - 2004-07-01
\"More\" for the woman like me
I got home today and started sorting through my mail. Among the bills and junk mail and more junk mail was a fancy fancy piece of big junk mail that begged me to look at it.

On the envelope was a woman who looked all of 29 and skinny of course and not just skinny but very well toned. A real young looking beauty, except she had silver hair. I thought about how bizarre that looked. Then I started reading the advertisment on the large, 4 color, printed envelope and it begged me to subscribe to the new magazine, "More", for the woman over 40. The first thing I thought is "that woman is not over 40 and if she is, hasn't she ever heard of Loreal or Clairol". I openend up the envelope and it told me that "More" was for the woman like me. The folder inside had string bean thin, gorgeous models inside dressed in teeny weeny bikini's. I thought they must be gullible to think that they could convince me that the women inside the ad were ME!!!!

The ad went on to talk about how it was devoted to all things ME and how I should be so happy I was over 40 and that now that the kids were raised that there was more time for all the things I was interested in. More time to work out, more time to look beautiful....Yeah right.

The ad told me that I was ripe and a prize and that it was time to "take off", not to "land". The ad told me that I now had the man I wanted or if I didn't, I knew how to get the man I wanted. This ad sort of lumped me into a big pile with tall, skinny, toned, tanned, beautiful, model type women who obviously, from the absence of dish pan hands, had never done a lick of housework in their lives.

I kept on reading and it told me about all the things "I" want to know, like how to deal with a kid that moves back home (I had the sense to con her into saving money for a condo so that wouldn't happen). It also told me that there was an article on how to dump my boring husband and run off to the rain forest.

I imagined me standing in the doorway. I was now skinny and very tall.(well the fantasy me is tall). I have long silky blond hair (well the fantasy me has long silky blond hair) and I have long long nails on hands that have never had to soak in water or paint the living room wall or clean a toilet. I stood there in the doorway and told my husband in a wistful tone of voice that I had finally ripened and he was just too boring....alas...I was off to the the rain forest to find the man I really want. Just as I was ready to step out the door and meet my limo, the buzzer on the dryer went off, snapping me back to reality.

I threw the ad for "More", the magazine for women like me, in the recycling bin and went to fold my laundry.

P. I. Yarnsmith

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