9:34 p.m. - 2007-02-27
My game of solitaire

My Lot

Do we draw a lot in life? Hindus believe that we are born into castes that we have no hope of breaking out of. I suppose that is similar to the belief of drawing a "Lot" in life.

I had an AA friend who always talked about his "lot" in life. He was kind of a depressed and depressing little guy who pretty much accepted his crummy little job and his non existent love life as "the way things should be for me." Week after week, I would want to slap him and say "You have not drawn a LOT...start choosing what you want."

I have to admit now that I feel some what surrendered to the basic idea of drawing a lot in life, however, instead of a lot, I look at it as a hand of cards that we are dealt. In my case, the game is Solitaire.

I now full well believe that it is my lot in life to be a loner, and I must naturally convey the message "I'm a doormat...step here" loud and clear. However, That doesn't mean that I have to live my life alone and it doesn't mean I have to let others step on me and kick me around, for as much as I do believe that cards are dealt or that lots are drawn at birth, I also believe that we all have our element. That place in life where we can take our lot or play our hand and make it work for us.

It is the CHANCE that all human beings are born with. A chance to accept our crappy hand and throw in the cards or to take the plunge, or in my case plunge after plunge after plunge until we either find our element or die. If we die, then at least we had some life in the trying. If we land in a sweet spot, all the better.

I don't make many major changes in my life but when I do, I usually make them out of desperation. It gets too hot in the burning building so I leap head first out of it heading for the concrete below. So far....someone has always been there to catch me. Another analogy I like is the saying; "from the frying pan into the fire"...well baby...I'd rather burn than sit there and sautee into some kind of edible mush.

So....in my game of solitaire....I'll draw the next card and hope I have somewhere to put it.

I went to work today not giving a shit if the boss was happy with me or not. I worked hard and fast and diligently, then at 5PM I went home. I will win this little game. I will not enter into a struggle with a man who has more power than me but will recognize that his power is limited to that building. He can fire me if he doesn't like it. I'm not afraid of him or losing my job anymore.

This is my little secret. I'll be the best employee ever. I'll act cheerful and happy and give the asshat what he wants. I'll give him no inkling that I plan to leave. No way for him to plan for what he will do in my absence. When I give my two weeks notice, then it will be his time to squirm. Although no employee is irreplaceable, my job is extremely convoluted. It is a job I invented and only I know how all the pieces fit together. I KNOW that there will be turmoil on my departure. That will be my revenge.

Oh...by the way....A passive/aggressive personality is one of the lots I drew at birth.

P. I. Yarnsmith

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