9:06 p.m. - 2007-02-26
Take this job and shove it.

I can't live like this anymore

Where have I been? Well for one, I have nothing to write about. I have NO LIFE!!!!. It's work work work for nothing then come home to tired to live. It's push push push push all day...give 110% of myself...be told, "I'm looking for you to work through lunch, come in early and leave late....yet there was no raise this year. I know I'm doing a phenomenal job but my review was calibrated to make me sulk out of his office feeling like pond scum.

I woke up this morning having dreamt about Joe and work all weekend, and waking up nauseated from anxiety. I thougnt about how I have to go to the Doctor to see if I have a cataract or something more serious. I am pretty much blind in one eye. I see light and dark and colors but everthing else is like looking through a sheet of grey film. I thought, "Maybe I have a brain tumore...then I thought....who cares...then at least I have a way out.

Then I said "wait a minute here....do I have a death wish?"

Yeah....I decided that I'd rather die than live like this any longer. I was never made to work in an office, and on top of that, I must have a big sign that says "DOOR MAT" etched on my forehead as the only jobs I ever get are by control freaks who are not happy just to control their company and their destiny....NOOOOOO they get a kick over lording over people too. Joe loves to push me....it makes him happy. He wants me to spend every waking moment there, then dream about it and think about it all night. If you tell him that you were up thinking about a problem all night (a work problem), he gets a big grin and says "that's the way I like it".

I was going to try to schedule my surgery for a time when I had things caught up. Today, I decided I didn't owe the company or Joe a thing. I made the Dr. appointment for next Monday. I will schedule the surgery (If that is what I need) as soon after as possible. I will take a week off of work and go see the employement agency and apply for a few other jobs. I am giving myself til July 4th....INDEPENDENCE DAY, to find something. If I find something and it is another control freak....I will quit. I will do temp work and we will live off our savings until I can get this house together and sold.

I came home and told my husband (You know...the kept man who sleeps until 2pm EVERY DAY)...I told him, if we have to sell this place....I'm going my own way as I won't have the resources to take care of you. If I end up in a cardboard box...fine...I end up in a cardboard box.

What I actually have in mind though is a few hours west in rural Illinois, I can buy a house for about 30,000.00. Just a small little cottage size house. The property taxes are only about 1000.00 per year. I can get myself a little minimum wage fun job....taking care of animals or something low key...or sell stuff on Ebay or something....but I'll be DAMNED IF I AM GOING TO CONTINUE PUSHING PAPER FOR A BUNCH OF CONTROL FREAKS.

Here is to Independence Day. I'll do it...I swear I will.

P. I. Yarnsmith

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