11:05 p.m. - 2006-02-17
And Volare played over the PA

Valli Produce...Part II

About a year and a half ago, I wrote this piece about my favorite Italian Grocery Store, Valli Produce. Since moving to Elgin, it is now a 25 minute tollway drive, but I still go there. I can save enough on 1 pound of lunch meat to make up for the gas and their Italian Sausage is the best in Chicagoland, not to mention the fresh and variety of fruits and veggies from all over the world.

I mentioned in my last posting about the crowd and how shopping in this little store is a bit different as you get sucked into a vortex of people and once in the heard are forced to march along up and down the aisles the heard is going. If you want butter, you have to wait until the circulation allows you past the butter aisle. If you want soda pop, you better hope the flow is going in that direction or you will be leaving without it.

You are allowed to leave when the flow takes you past the check out and sumarily spits you out like a bad tasting sour grape. This could be anywhere from an hour to several days.

I was there a couple of days ago and it didn't go too badly. I was there only 1/2 hour before being permitted to leave by the Gods who control this multicultural vortex and thought myself rather lucky until I realized they were going to play a trick on me.

There was one person in front of me at the check out and the clerk held up two bags of tortolini.

"These are 3 for $3.00 maam, would you like me to send someone to get you a 3rd bag."

I almost screamed "NOOOOOOOO!!!" as the lady nodded an enthusiastic YES!!

I wanted to ask her "Do you know that you have quite possibly doomed us to several days and nights in this check out line?" but I held my tongue.

The clerk waved another clerk over and waved the bag of tortolini at him, yelling something in Spanish.

I watched as the clerk disappeared in the vortex. The last I saw of him he was being swept out toward the case of Mexican cheeses, the complete opposite direction of the frozen tortolini.

We stood there for God knows how long. In desperation, I added some Brach's bridge mix to my cart. After all if I'm gonna spend the night in line at Valli Produce, I'm gonna need bridge mix. I calculated that I could roll up my coat and prop it on top of my purse to use as a pillow if we should happen to get stuck there overnight. Thank God I remembered to put some Diet Rite Cola in the cart....to go with the Brach's Bridge Mix.

A while later (I don't know how long...panic does that to ones sense of time), I saw the multicolored, multicultural flow moving in our direction from the frozen food aisle. There was the clerk, like an olympic gold medalist, waving his prize, tears in his eyes, he could almost see the finish line, he would get to go home tonight.

I thanked the Gods of the Valli Vortex for allowing me through the line and out of the store. I would not have to lean over the cart and sleep on my coat rolled up on top of my purse. I was home free. But I did keep the Brach's Bridge Mix.

P. I. Yarnsmith

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