9:10 p.m. - 2007-02-04
Well, thank God that's all over

The Football Fan's Wife's Guide to Understanding The Game

Ok, I did it...I watched an entire Super Bowl just because the camaraderie and festivities here in Chicagoland was so much fun for the last two weeks and I didn't want to say I missed it if Da Bears won, thereby extending the drug like euphoria that HAD (and I emphasize HAD) overtaken Chicagoland. Instead we will have a Chicagoland hangover. My husband started feeling the effects of that about mid third quarter.

I must say....I was bored out of my mind and glad that even though only mid third quarter, the game was obviously over so I could turn my audio book back on and not have to watch anymore football.

However I did learn enough simple rules should I be in the position of having to watch another football game.

1. When the spouse jumps up and yells "Picked off"...it's a good thing...you cheer.

2. When the spouse yells "look at that son of a bitch go"....it's a good thing....you cheer.

3. When the spouse is sitting silently with a pissed off look on his face...it's a bad thing...you don't ask.

4. When two of the players you are rooting for jump high in the air and bang their chests together like a couple of bucks fighting over a doe in heat....something good happened....you cheer.

5. When two of the opposing players jump high in the air and bang their chests together like a couple of bucks fighting over a doe in heat....something bad happened to your team....you either remain silent or swear, thereby acting like you know what just happened and what is going on.

6. Always go and make hubbys half time snack before half time actually starts so you don't have to miss a stellar performance by Prince.

See ladies...it's really very simply...no need to understand terms like "first down" or "line of scrimmage"....all you need to know is these simple rules to appear you know what is going on. To save yourself from boredom,....at least there are some nice "tight ends" to look at when they are bent over like a bunch of gorillas before the one guy passes the ball through his legs to the skinny guy.

Congratulations to the Colts...the Bears played like shit.

P. I. Yarnsmith.

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