7:00 p.m. - 2005-02-02
Don't worry....Be happy

The Joy of Having Nothing

The title of my entry today sounds nuts. I mean who would be joyful to own nothing?

I got the inspiration from reading our buddy Boxx9000 today and her absolute JOY!!! with a capital J of finally owning something of her own; a microwave oven. Her joy of owning this first item....brand new out of the boxx, apart from the things she owned with her ex was coming through her post loud and clear.

I also remember the joy that our buddy Art Caldwell displayed when he got his very first ever computer out of the box at Walmart. This was the first thing in years and years that he owned brand new out of the box.

The reason for such joy in something so simple is that when you own nothing, anything you get is like gold. It also stimulates that part of our brain that allows us to dream.

I have been in a similar situation. When my drinking had gotten so bad that I had no freinds, no job, was on the verge of losing my house and family and even my Mother didn't want to be around me anymore. I finally surrendered and decided that I wanted sobriety. When I came out of the rehab unit. I was like an empty glass that needed filling.

I had been on such a high horse and here I was in the mud. I was so joyful just to be sober. To have a warm place to sleep...to be able to not have to hide my drinking....to have a group of people to hang with who cared about me (AA)...to have a second chance with my family....to have clothes to wear...food to eat...and most of all...My Life back.

Those little things were enough for me. I thought, "If this is all I ever get in my life, I will be happy."

Well...13 years have passed and I have a houseful of knick knacks and more furniture than I can fit in my little house. I curse this little house every day and curse the circumstances that won't let me have a new one. I curse not being able to have this and curse not being able to have that. I blame people in my life who have held me back or are holding me back now. What I am really cursing is myself.

As I was reading Boxx's posting, I thought, "Oh Paula....here you are just wanting more and more and more and this woman is over joyed to have a new microwave.

It is human nature to want, hope and dream, and I hope that Boxx's microwave is just the first of many brand new things she will own. I have faith that this time next year will be happier times for her.

It is also nice to be reminded that there was a time when I was happy with family, friends, food in my tummy and a warm place to sleep.

Everything else is gravy.

BE HAPPY!!!

P. I. Yarnsmith

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