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9:29 p.m. - 2006-01-17 Wake-O-MatThis issue of the Yarnsmith Chronicals is brought to you by Wake-O-Mat....an innovative approach to visitation. Your loved one didn't have much of a life, heck he barely got out and socialized any more. How many visitors would the usual wake draw...10, 20, maybe a paltry 30. I mean who really liked him enough to spend the time to get all dressed up, drive to the funeral home, and park the car? Then there's all those pesky crying people. Let's face it, lots of Bubba's old acquaintances would just shrug it off...But wait...there is a way to allow people to pay their respects and sign that keepsake guest book, without the hassle of attending a traditional wake. Welcome to the Wake-O-Mat. From the very minute Bubba arrives we will treat him like a king and give him a Wake that will be talked about for years. He'll be prepared with a pleasant smile on his face. Our expert coiffures will fix that colic in his hair and make you proud to be his relation. We will lay him out in our specially prepared refrigerated carousel to keep him fresh for days....many days longer than the warm "casket in a room" approach. When the visitors arrive, they need not be troubled to leave their warm comfortable automobile and don't even have to bother to get gussied up to give Bubba a nice send off. They simply pull up to the window, push the little button provided and the carousel will revolve once with every push of the button showing the selection of dearly departeds loaded in the Wake-O-Mat. When Ol Bubba comes around, the visitor simply views the deceased for as long as he wishes and can even make a donation to the charity of your choice by placing his coins in a slot. When the guest is ready to leave, a push on another button opens a slide out tray presenting the viewer with a pen and guest book to sign. Our program is desiged to maximize the viewers, leaving that keepsake guest book full of signatures, so you can pretend other people loved him as much as you did. Visit Wake-O-Mat the next time you need fast, quality drive up service. _______________________________________ OK...I'm getting way too silly. See what this exercise is doing to me? They were having a discussion on the AM talk radio this afternoon about people who still have their Christmas stuff up. One lady called in and said being Catholic, her season started Christmas Eve and ended with Candelmas on February 2nd. That is the date she finally takes her Christmas stuff down. Another listener called telling of an ancient tradition that proves February 2nd was the end of the holiday. He said, and I quote, "On February 2nd, Jesus pops out of the grave and if he sees his shadow, you can leave your Christmas tree up for 6 more weeks." I am still rolling on the floor over that one. P. I. Yarnsmith.
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