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12:31 p.m. - 2007-01-01 Looking Forward2006 is not a year that I will remember fondly. As a matter of fact, I hope the whole of it takes itself from my memory, then again, I guess we need a bad year to remember in order for the good ones to shine. Actually, nothing that happened in 2006 was a horrible thing in the broad scope of life. There are people in this world whose very existance on a daily basis is more horrible than all the bad things that have ever happened to me rolled into one. I guess it's just that this is a year in which I felt completely powerless over my own life. It started with the 2nd half of the first year in the home I've always wanted being dominated by my Mother In Law and even though she is now in a home, concern for her still dominates so many of our decisions and visits with her are always painful. Problems with my Mother In Law gave way to problems with my husband who still refuses to entertain the idea of working for a living or at least pulling his weight around the house and even treating his Mother with respect and care. It was bad enough that he sleeps all day and does virtually nothing, but then he had the knee surgery and then the heart trouble that caused me extra work and strain above what I am already over burdened with. Then there is work. I hate my job. The very thought of having to go work for that creep leaves me unable to sleep during the week, and my weekends are used to recover from the week and I feel as if I have no life whatsoever. 2006 is a year in which I felt that I completely existed for other people...completely controlled by other people. It was a year where I didn't count except for dragging the weight of others behind me. I am resentful of this. Because I have been working a rather spiritual program for the past 15 years, I try to console myself with the fact that change doesn't happen without pain and that no one changes if they are comfortable with where they are at. I am trying to look at all of this as a catalyst for me to make changes in my life that will allow me more fulfilment. I look forward to 2007 as I enter it with a new attitude. As scary as it may seem....I will not let that controlling creep of a boss scare me into thinking I will get fired if each time he says "jump", I don't say "How high".....he can fire me if he wants and when that door closes, another will open. This is easier said than done but one just can't continue to let people treat them like that. There isn't much I can do about my MIL or my husband, but I can not let what they do and how they bitch, moan and complain to affect me. I am an independent entity and can choose my own path...it's up to him to follow me or stay in bed or go his own way. While I am powerless over people, places and things and how they act on me....I am not powerless over my reactions to them. Things change...life will go on. I resolve this year to take care of myself. Physically, spiritually and mentally and if I am cared for, then I will have the fortitude to extend that care out to the people I deal with on a day to day basis. My sister and I have this title we bestow on each other we call "SUFFER WOMAN". How we made that up is a story in itself I may tell you someday. Usually my sister is SUFFER WOMAN as she has 3 teenagers and a full time job. This year I got to wear the crown of SUFFER WOMAN most of the year. Linda...I now hand that crown back to you....I refuse to be SUFFER WOMAN in 2007. If you decide you don't want to be SUFFER WOMAN, then throw the crown in the garbage, or put in in a closet for a day when one of us decides to suffer again. I took the time to put a link to my notes at the bottom of this page for easier access in note sending. I love to get notes...please comment from time to time. The link is right next to the place where you can navigate between past and present entries. I hope this year to make my page fun again like it used to be before it got hijacked and ruined, but I forgot all the html I leanred and don't have time right now to reconfigure my page...so, for the time being....I am with diaryland's standard free templates. I also can't afford a gold memebership so I'm going freebie. I may take the time to join Art Caldwell at blogspot, but again...sometime when I have more time to play around with it. Have A Happy New Year Buddies. P. I. Yarnsmith
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